The views expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not in any way reflect any policy or position of any other institution, affiliates, partners, departments, donors or alumni. They are mine, and mine alone. Disagree? Feel free to contact me! (ONLY me)
I just couldn’t let it go. And for that, I may well be sorry before this post is finished and all three of my followers pick it up.
Nevertheless, here it comes.
There is nothing to prompt me back to the writing desk quite like another article (one of 370,000 or so) about young adults leaving the church. The latest offering in our local papers details the reasons, and discusses the issue with ministers who supposedly work with 20 and 30-somethings.
(Note: This appears to be curated content from the Nashville Tennessean).
Notice that I am avoiding terms like “Millennials” or “Gen-Z,” because such monikers may have devolved too far into very toxic and overblown assumptions about anyone under the age of 35. For this post, young adults will suffice.
There are a ton of quotes and points and stats in this article that deserve attention and response, the least of which is not the ongoing tone of these tomes about young adults and church. I’ll jump past the general attitude that these are cattle who have escaped the pen, and we have to heard them back while working on ways to build a stronger fence and secure the gate so they’ll never get out again.
But I digress…
The most eye-catching and, to me, troubling aspect of the entire piece was a paraphrase from the interview with Chris Brooks, who leads the Kairos young adult ministry at Brentwood Baptist in Nashville. “He loves young adults. They are selfish, but also still trying to figure out who they are and what they want to do, Brooks said. It leads to lively and challenging discussions at church, which he welcomes.”
Clearly, Pastor Brooks is engaging this group and their culture. But why must he, or the author in her paraphrase, continue to shell out the tag of SELFISH that plagues descriptions of this young adult generation? I find this tag horrifically overblown, overused, and not entirely accurate.
Here’s the thing that we miss when calling out these selfish young adults: We’re all selfish, and that includes people in the church. People of ALL ages.
Are young adults any more selfish than people who get mad because the church tries a different style of music? Or the elderly person who walks out of the church because they find out that it’s Youth Sunday and they don’t want to stay if we’re not having “real church?” (Yes, I saw it and heard it).
Are they any more selfish than the long-time member who won’t give up their seat to a visitor—or to move closer to the front, even if they can’t hear a lick in the back? Or the person who says, “We’ve always done it that way and we don’t want to change it!”?
At the church I pastor, a lady once told me about a former member (that I never knew) who was present when our church began in 2003. And this lady was fond of saying, “I’ve seen a lot of changes since then, and I’ve been opposed to every one of them!”
Now, the lady said this in jest. But we often find at least a sliver of truth in a joke–and that joke sounds like a pretty textbook definition of selfish.
After working with youth and young adults for the majority of my ministry career, I will say that their “selfish” comes across a bit differently than others. But different does not mean that it’s any worse. Maybe it just sounds worse because we’ve had longer to learn to formalize our version to not seem quite so blunt and direct. Or maybe we just think we’ve been around long enough to be entitled to our selfishness, a problem that I see very directly in the church.
No matter how we dress it up, it doesn’t change the fact that it’s there. As my dad loved to say, a little paint will make any old barn look better, but it doesn’t keep it from rotting on the inside. (And yes, I love to the honorary citations to my dad’s favorite quotes—all 12 of them!).
Young adults are pressed with more time constraints, concerns, debt, uncertainty, and baggage than many of us had to carry. Whatever argument or justification we pull from “the old days,” the church has to recognize that the new day is different—and it’s going to continue to be different.
Young adults often develop serious (and critical) questions about the Christianity they grew up learning, as Pastor Brooks points out.
I pastor a church that has a small handful of people under 40, and maybe four “twenty-somethings.” Some of them are single, some still in school, and some married with very young children. I actually consider it an honor when they come to church, because I know how pressed they are for time and energy and money. I know that they feel very unsure about who they are and where they’re going, so it’s a privilege to have a part in walking that path with them.
Do I wish we had more? Certainly. Are we fully prepared to engage them? Absolutely not! And we cannot prepare for this ministry—or actually, any other ministry–until we deal with our own selfish nature (and yes, that includes the pastor).
That means recognizing something very crucial that the article points out: Young adults are “still trying to figure out who they are…”
This is the hope and promise and energy that young adults can bring into the life of the church. It’s not about circling the wagons and shoring up the fences to keep them in, but it’s actually about tearing down those fences to let them out!
Followers of Christ should always be trying to figure out who we are, and who we are called to be in whatever place we find ourselves. We cannot be disciples if we think we have it all figured out because we cannot change and grow if we assume that we have all the answers. Age may give greater wisdom and patience, but it does not mean we’re at the end of the journey.
Instead, why not embrace the challenging, questioning generation? Why not let their questions lead us to learn, as we respectfully share our own perspective with them?
The young adults who come back to church may not be there every Sunday. They may never go to Sunday School or become a deacon/elder or even embrace many of the formalized structures or long-standing traditions. But they may well be the ones that challenge us back to a questioning Christianity, and a faith of critical thinking that can change and grow throughout our lives.
This is the type of Christianity that entices us to selfless rather than selfish, to let go of what was as we grab onto what is—and what can be.
Perhaps the thing we most need to do is quit getting angry with young adults for being “selfish” and deal with the plank in our own eye first. We might then discover that they are much more willing to give of themselves, if we will walk along with them to find out who we are called to be.